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November 6th, 2024
i don't post on twitter. i'll never use bluesky. i haven't thought about instagram in a year.
i've just left behind tumblr. that leaves me with this place. i don't really have anyone anymore. the best friends i'd had in my life ousted me back in... gosh, may?
can't say it wasn't my fault but christ were they terrible about it. well, one person in particular.
anyways, none of that matters now. i'm reading through floraverse. i've known of it since i was younger, but only recently gained the freedom to endulge in it.
i relate a lot to kid neon. floraverse makes me feel a lot. a lot more than other art i've endulged in. it makes me feel right.
"right" wasn't the first word i typed there. i said happy first, then listed lots of other feelings, then backspaced and wrote "right."
so, i'm still living with my family. not either of my parents, but some family that actually cares about me.
still, i'm eager to get out of their hair. i don't like to take up space in their home. my job doesn't pay me much though, so moving out is still... a while away.
HRT is going well. i decided not to section off my HRT journal stuff. it's my site i can post about my tits all i want. i like how i look. i'm feeling better, slowly.
i worked on halloween, but i went in clown paint. couldn't get my suit made in time, still working on that. i'll post some pictures when it's done. i'm pretty excited about it.
it's half red, half yellow with floral print.
i'm still working on fixing this place up. the home screen is going to be in rough shape for a while probably, but i'll see what i can do. this whole website is a learning process.
those are about all the updates i can think of right now. see you next update! (BTW, there should be some stuff on the art page now.)
July 27th, 2024
why is coding so harrrrrrd. y'know the little featured video spot on the main page? i mean like, if it's still there when you're reading this. i want to add a little comment above it to say something about the video, but the hackjob way i built that page makes it so adding or moving literally ANYTHING causes the whole page to crumble to peices. i just put a new video there which is a webcore album by GAKHED, and i want to say above it, in comic sans, "did some light editing while listening to this!" but i chfhjdskdfghjgskdhjfds . so. i need to learn how to properly ... use grids. oughhfff. i hate grids... i did just get an idea for a new page where i list all previously featured videos... like a littol playlist :3. also i want to make each of these posts a dropdown thing OR figure out how to make them sub pages. like creaturecreate / blogposts / title. but whenever i try to use folders the pages just become 404s so uhhh. idk i'll figure it out eventually. sorry not sorry for the unreadable blob of text that is this post i just needed to put these thoughts somewhere. will be back with more edits soon.
June 16th, 2024
it is currently the end of my third day on HRT. i'm still in shock over how quickly i got here once i finally tried.
i emailed a therapist on the third, had an appointment to get my dysphoria diagnosed on the seventh, then had an appointment at planned parenthood on the thirteenth and was TAKING ESTRADIOL BY LIKE, NOON THAT DAY. I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT. I THOUGHT IT WOULD TAKE MONTHS. i don't even know what to say. still haven't made much sense of all those feelings.
i haven't sensed any changes yet, since of course it's only been three days, but i'm very excited for the coming years. i'll continue to post updates on this blog. thank you for reading.
EDIT: FURTHER ENTRIES WILL BE MOVED TO-
edit to the edit: no fuck off.
June 16th, 2024
i have a few words to say about SKY:COTL and JOURNEY (and a few more on TGC).
i started playing sky in 2020, and i've followed the game from ios to switch to pc since. there's a lot to like about this game. the cyclical gameplay is supported by a beautiful story of life, aging, death, and rebirth. the sense of community the game establishes by requiring players band together to push forward toward the end. all the fun there is to be had along the way. what keeps me coming back, personally, is the way the world becomes gradually more lived-in the more you interact with it.
assuming you don't already have an experienced friend guiding you on your way (which is a very common way of starting the game so, i hope this section's effectiveness doesn't completely miss the mark), a first playthrough will start off feeling steeped in loneliness. you're oblivious to the happenings of this world as you wander the crumbling ruins of a long dead kingdom, trying to piece together what history you can gleam from the paintings on the walls. you have some brief encounters with the spirits of those who used to inhabit this land, but even they feel distant, still dazed and lost from an eons long slumber. you trek onwards.
the feeling does fade however, as more and more challenges require at least minimal communication between players, and you enter areas of the world that feature a whole lot more life and movement, at least from the fauna that exists here. what felt aimless soon becomes an adventure, and you've got a destination in mind. the light is calling.
like i said, i started playing sky in 2020, but i didn't learn about TGC's previous title, journey, until fairly recently. i played it a few days ago, and was met with a shockingly similar experience. the game features an identical progression, movement system, fauna, and seemingly the same-ish story, but with much less emphasis on the social aspects, only pairing you with one other player who, while helpful in the sense that they can call to you when they find something important, isn't actually necessary to complete the game. don't get me wrong, i liked journey a lot. both the similarities and differences. it was a good experience all around. it just irked me how much was straight up copied directly over to SKY: COTL.
i went straight to tumblr to complain about this, and got a few responses, including one helpful commenter claiming to have read somewhere about an issue wherein TGC wanted to port journey to mobile and expand on the world further, but wasn't allowed to by their distributor. i don't know how much truth that holds, and i'm not interested enough to go searching for it, but if whoever's reading this knows anything about that, get in touch with me via my contacts page and i'll add an addendum at the bottom of this page along with a link to your site. thanks in advance.
anyways it just got me thinking- there's not really anything wrong with the developers using their property like this, so my initial complaint (and the strongly worded " i am beginning to have a genuine hatred for these developers") wasn't really warranted. there are several complaints to be made about the prices of IAPs and the shadiness of (and rumors surrounding) TGC's policy on fan creations ("User Generated Content"), but that's a topic for a sal who is more well-read and less sleepy. so for now, below is a list of links to some posts regarding the topic. thanks for reading, buh-bye.